Being Controlled!

Being controlled Does anyone know what it feels like to be controlled? Whether it's controlled at work through micro managing or controlled by your kids because you have to do everything for them. Or worse controlled by your mate because they act like they can’t function without you or they don’t know how to deal with your feelings so they try to control situations through anger or manipulation. Regardless of how you might feel controlled if you are being controlled it's wrong and it sucks! So what can you do about it? Well most people would say run far far away and never look back or don’t do another thing asked of you and tell everyone NO! For some, this may be the answer but for others, it may not be. Unfortunately you may not always able to leave a situation as quickly as you may want to when you feel controlled. For example, if your being micro managed at work, you may not be able to quit your job immediately.  Or if you feel overpowered by your children and they are still minors, you probably wont be able to tell them to do everything on their own just yet. So what can you do? Well what I have learned to do is set boundaries!!! I realize setting boundaries is more challenging for some than others but there are a few steps you can take to help you get started. Let’s go through them. Number one, learn your value! Whether you are a worker, parent or mate. You have value and if others can’t see it or over look it than it’s your responsibility to help them see your value! Some simple ways to do this is to learn how to say no! Saying no or not right now, or whatever version of no you might say is not a crime, nor a sin and does make you a terrible person. What it does is allow you and others to know that you have to consider yourself first so that you can continue to help them when necessary and be your best you. See how easy saying no is once you view it through different lenses? Number two, know your limits. So many times we pile on things and overload ourselves because we want to get it all done or we don’t have help and have to do everything ourselves or we just love to stress out! Whatever the reason why we do it, we need to stop it! It's not healthy and is destroying us. Number three, know when you might need to walk away from a situation or take a break. There are times when you have done your best to set your boundaries and the other individual is just not respecting you or your feelings; this can be at a job or in a relationship. If this is the case than there comes a time when you have to make a decision as to whether you need to walk away or take a break which ever might be suitable for the circumstance. When deciding to walk away or take a break, you can’t focus on the other person and how they may feel. You have to remain focus on gaining control over your life, your feelings and your emotional health. The last step I want to share with you is to make it clear on what you will and wont accept. Make this clear to yourself and the individual or individuals who are controlling you. There are several ways to go about doing this. You don’t have to be rude or mean about it but you do need to be direct and serious so that you are believable. Now I must warn you about some possible natural consequences that might come with you taking these steps of setting boundaries and becoming free from control. You may get some pushback, frustration, rejection, defiant behavior and so forth from the ones you are setting the boundaries with. But DO NOT let this stop you! They will get over it and if they don’t that’s okay too. What’s important is that you are no longer controlled and that you are a happier you!