Do I stay or do I go?

The question of do I stay or do I go after you have been betrayed in a relationship can be a challenging one for some people.  Your faced with a variety questions such as, how could this happen, is it something that I did wrong, it was only time and he promised that it would never happen again so I should stay right? Going through these questions and concerns are very common and sometimes allows us to leave the choice of us staying or going up to the one who hurt us. And if we be honest with ourselves, sometimes leaving the decision to stay or to go up to the person who hurt us takes our fears of being alone and rejected away, it least for the time being. So we might decide to stay and work it out. Please believe me when I say that I am not telling you one way or the other if you should stay or go. I just want to help you make sure the decision is YOURS and yours alone. So let’s explore. Ask yourself this question. When you wake up in the morning and get dressed do you pick out your own clothes, your own shoes, your own jewelry? Do you construct your own day by making your own choices? Does anyone say to you “don’t drive that way to work drive this way.” I am guessing that does not happen to you right? So why don't we give ourselves the choice when dealing with betrayal. In other words we might say to ourselves, I will stay if they do this or that, giving them our choice to stay or to go. Now of course you have those who say well if I've been betrayed that means I can't trust so that's a no-brainer I'm out! But for others it is not that simple. What if you have children together or have built a business together or have been together for a 1,000 years and don't really know how to live without each other? These are some of the stumbling blocks that challenge us with making the choice to stay or go; but what about your mental health, emotional health or my physical health? In other words are you okay with living a life where your nervous every time your mate goes out of town or maybe even go to work? Or are you okay with constantly feeling like you have to go through your mates phone or social media to see what they are doing? Are you okay with thinking about the possibility of your mate bringing an illness back to you, maybe even one that is not curable? Or lastly are you okay with the thought of possibly having to explain to your children that they are going to have another sibling and it’s not from you? Sometimes we don’t serious think about these things and unfortunately we may have been experiencing betrayal so long that we almost believe it’s normal to feel this way when it’s NOT. Being concerned about kid’s, businesses, money and possessions are definitely something that you need to consider and I am not saying those things are not important but how will you be able to function for the kids or anything else if you are going insane with worry, anxiety, fear and anger over your mates betrayal! The other things can always be reestablished, redirected or readjusted but it’s generally not worth jeopardizing yourself. I mean look at it, does it benefit your children to have an unhealthy home, or does it benefit your business to experience constant discord in your relationship? Okay, so let me not forget to address the ones who say, “well I just believe in family and men will be men, it’s is better to have one then not” or “my mom and dad went through this and they overcame this so I will overcome this too” or another one of my favorites, “God won't put more on me than what I can bear and if I couldn't handle this than I wouldn't be going through it.” As if God desires for us to live a life of pain and suffering, when his word clearly says he wants us to prosper and be in good health as our soul prospers! These statement and many others are the result of distorted thinking, which affects your decision to stay in situations that are emotionally, mentally and physically damaging. What most people do not understand is that betrayal can be characterized as emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is defined as a person being subjected to anything thing that brings anxiety, chronic depression, psychological trauma or PTSD from another person’s behaviors towards them aka CHEATING and EXCESSIVE CHEATING! Making the decision to stay or go has to be your decision and your decision alone, despite what your mate who has made the offense has stated or promised. The choice is really up to you! It’s important to be very real with yourself and get out of DENIAL!! Denial gets us in trouble and can ruin your life. If you think your mate is cheating and feel your mate is cheating even after they have apologized than chances are they are still cheating. It’s okay to factor in everything you may loose, give up and what might change if you decide to go but do not let that be what stops you from getting out of a bad situation! Remember those things can be reestablished, redirected and readjusted. For my Christians out there, God wants you to have life and that more abundantly. That applies to your relationships! If you are in constant worry, stress and fear because of what your mate may or may not be doing, that is not living in abundance and that is not God’s will for your life. And finally if you make the decision to stay and “work things out” that’s fine just remember that separation for a little while, buying things to smooth you over or apologizing alone is not enough to fix and repair what has been broken. I encourage you to reach out and seek support through counseling AND spiritual guidance not counseling or spiritual guidance to get to the root of the issue and heal. And if your mate who betrayed you is not in agreement with doing these things, than I believe you have your answer right there!